I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
