Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
