i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
