my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
