also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize