if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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