so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
