Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
