She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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