He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize