You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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