you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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