just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
