gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
