I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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