just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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