The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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