i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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