so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
