now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have so many feelings about this burrito
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
