just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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