Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
