I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
