your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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