so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize