I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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