You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
