Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
