I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
