You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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