He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
