guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
