Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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