Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
