I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
