From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
