Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
