Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
