i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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