He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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