I hate all girls vehemently.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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