That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
