She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
