I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
