Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
