This is not my ceiling
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
