I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize