Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
