i barfeds in our rink
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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