I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
