I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
