ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize