Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
