so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
