Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
