Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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