dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
there was a trapeze. enough said
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
