Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
