What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
