areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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