Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
