i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
