I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize