TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
