Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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