How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
