It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
