Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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