Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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