it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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