She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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