PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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