i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
