I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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