I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
