matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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