no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Farmville is her only friend.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
