he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
