Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
