omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
