She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
