We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
