Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
