well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize