I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
they're like a gay fantastic four
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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