college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
