how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
