She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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