i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Terrible idea I love it
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
