Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
