and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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