my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
