Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
