real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
