mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
