I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
