On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This baby is an asshole
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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