office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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