a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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