it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
