my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
