i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
