I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
