I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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