his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
