Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize