Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
