fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize