dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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